The IA clinic in Houston called me this week after I left two messages over the course of three days and waiting 3 weeks for Artem's results. All of his blood work came back normal. They tested him for Hepatitis, HIV, lead exposure, and past vaccinations. The nurse said all of his vaccinations are now current with the four he had that day in their office and all he needs is his Hep A booster when he turns 2 in November. I thought maybe he would be behind on his vaccinations but she said he's right on course. She also said he has had chicken pox, not the vaccine but the live disease. This surprised Randy and I as Artem has really fair skin and doesn't have a scar on him. Because of this, the clinic did not recommend the chicken pox vaccine. I was worried about lead exposure coming from an orphanage but the clinic said that was normal too. His TB test was non-reactive and he came back with a very trace amount of Giardia even though he doesn't exhibit any symptoms. We went ahead and got some medicine to treat the Giardia. Overall the tests just re-confirmed what we already knew; we have a healthy little boy.
Now onto the boredom; not for me but for Artem. Sometimes I feel like Artem is bored, like he misses the company of other children. Let me make this perfectly clear right now, I am in NO WAY saying I want another child; I'm very happy to have one child. ;-) Anyway, Artem has lots of toys that I rotate every week or so in order for them to be new and fresh to him. I am pretty routine driven and Artem knows what to expect for his day regarding meals and sleep time. I play with him on the floor with puzzles and toys, we read, we go out back and play on his swing set, we go out front and ride his airplane and bike, we take lots of walks, go to the school playground, play in the yard, run our errands. He plays by himself in the same room I'm in and is just now starting to play for a short, short time by himself in his room, but I feel like sometimes when he's home he kind of walks around bored. We've gone to other friend's houses that have children his age and he parallel plays with them but that's it. I looked into putting him in a mother's day out program two days a week for the morning thinking he could have some time to play with other kids and I could have some time to grocery shop without a screaming child in the buggy, but when I tried to enroll him I couldn't go through with it. The program has a great reputation and I'm sure they love the kids very much but when I walked into the room Artem would have attended they were having lunch and all the kids were sitting in a high chair type table, one child was crying, one child had some type of facial deformity and the teachers were heating up the children's food. I don't know if it was the smell of the lunches, the children all in a row feeding themselves or the child with the facial problems but images of the orphanage came flooding back to me and I had the overwhelming urge to run out of the room. I left right away and as soon as I got to the parking lot I started crying. Randy called on my cell phone just then, not knowing what I was doing or where I was at, and I just started crying and blabbing into the phone, "I can't do it, I just can't do it, I can't put Artem in there." (Poor Randy was completely lost and scared not knowing what was going on) So I guess I'm not ready for a mother's day out program and not ready to be away from Artem all though it would be nice to use the toilet one time without a 65 pound Labrador and 18 month old toddler spreading my knees apart to get a look at my business.
Now that I am officially cleared from my classroom and no longer teaching I'm going to take Artem to the book reading at the library, swimming at the pool and to the local gymnastics center for tumbling but I don't know what to do about the boredom around the house. Who knows, maybe I'm putting too much thought into it, but it feels as though I have to be standing on one foot juggling to keep him entertained. Am I overreacting? Anyone else have a PI (post institutionalized) child that has gone through this?
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13 comments:
Good news that all of the test results came back okay. It sounds like he is doing just great!
As far as your concern with him being bored, it sounds like you do a lot of fun things with him at home and that you plan to get him out a little more, too. S seems to enjoy playing at our house, but he really, really enjoys it when he can play with other kids at church or if they come over, etc. Maybe you could try to do some play dates or Gymboree classes or something like that where he is with other kids but you are with him, too.
Congrats on finishing up with school!! :)
I'm sure Artem is fine. At 18 months old it is far more normal for them to be parallel playing rather than playing with one another anyway - children his age really don't play with one another as such. It sounds as if you are doing so much already for Artem I'm sure he's not bored or lonely. Perhaps his wondering around is just related to him still working on his security (again, normal) by needing to recheck everything? Or he may simply not know what to settle to play with? If you feel it is about him wanting to socialise then I would sign him up for an activity with other kids that you can also do with him - such as a swim class - or a Gymboree class, where you can be there watching.
Congrats on finishing work - enjoy your time with your little man :)
Susan, First of all, I am laughing at the toilet scenario. My DH and I joke that there is an alarm attached to our toilet and anytime we sit down, the children see the flashing red light and everyone comes running... yes, including our 85 pound Golden (must be a Retriever thing?) Anyway, that's funny.
Here's one thought that came to my mind, and I hope it doesn't sound wrong in writing, because I say it with the utmost respect... maybe it's you who is bored! I know for me, that was definitely it in the beginning. Have you ever seen the movie "Groundhog Day" where he wakes up every day and the SAME thing happens? That pretty much describes how new mommy-hood felt to me. I left a job I loved and felt totally passionate about(as a social worker) and none of my friends had children as old as my new son. I was redefining my own identity (which at the time felt like pretty much nothing) because I had so identified myself as a social worker. I think there are a few professionals who do this (lawyers, doctors, teachers, etc.) so it's understandable to be a little lost when you first redefine your entire existence. I found that I felt like that guy in the old Dunkin Doughnuts commercials, "Time to make the donuts." :) Anyway, I think it's totally normal and I bet Artem is fine as wine and soaking up all your one on one.
I can SO identify with that Mother's Day Out experience... wow! That same thing happened to me and it was just so difficult. Have you looked into any Mommy and Me classes, like at The Little Gym, etc.? Sometimes those were really fun for us and a change of pace when my boys were younger.
Good luck!
Ding, ding, ding!! What Ondrea said about Groundhog's Day! That describes my scenario as a new mom. I expected my little fella to always be engaged and studying things, people etc. so why did he appear bored? hhaha! He was rarely bored, let me tell ya. I like to drove myself bonkers trying to keep him going when, really, he did a great job keeping himself going. :) Sometimes he would just toot around the house to check stuff out. The first few years are learning how we relate to our environment and that's exactly what they need to do. Don't confuse downtime with boredom either. I use to think the days we spent at home.. all day.. tabbed me as a lazy mom who didn't use every opportunity to engage my child to achieve GREATNESS! Case is, those are the days I love the most now.
XO
Tiff
We experienced this with Liam during his first month home with us. And honestly, there are times on the weekends when he's home alone with us that he seems a little bored - and that's usually when he gets himself in trouble for doing no-nos.
Once he started daycare, he just lit up being with the other children. He was clingy and had a little trouble when we left him the first few days. But the teachers told us that the crying never lasted more than a minute or two and then he was all wrapped up in whatever the other kids were doing.
Now he seems like the "Big Man on Campus" with all of the other kids calling out his name and flocking around him when we arrive at daycare. His teachers go on & on about how much of a big sweetie he is!
And maybe the most impressive thing is how rapidly his social skills, speech, and even coordination surged once he was in daycare. Sure, I can see houw there might be some similarities between the orphanage environment and that of a daycare. Our daycare is adequately staffed. The spend time with the entire group and each child to help them learn and grow. The kids get to go outside and play (supervised, of course) at least once a day. They have singing & story times - which has really reinforced the songs we've been working on with Liam. The kids get plenty of snacks, drinks, and a good lunch.
Out of necessity, daycare is a pretty regimented setting. They follow a tight schedule, but we think that's actually a good thing for him.
Dede recommends that you don't abandon the idea of Mother's Day Out yet. Based on how you described it, I understand why it would remind you so much of the orphanage. I'll bet that we would've run for the door too!
But try another daycare! We've been nothing but thrilled with our daycare, which is run by one of the bigger churches in town. Even after just a short time, we truly trust those ladies. They're all so caring and interactive and we can tell such a positive difference that they're in Liam's life.
Hi Susan,
Welcome to Motherhood! When it comes to using the bathroom, your privacy as a mother is gone. My sons still seek me out in the bathroom and they are 5 and 6 years-old. :)
Go to the library try to find a play group. My neighbor has gotten me involved since our daughter came home. You can be around adults and he can interact with other children. Being a teacher myself I find it much easier to engage 25 kids than keep one occupied all day.
You can really tell he's absolutely perfect - you are sooo fortunate!
I was cracking up with the vision of your doggie and baby trying to sneak a peek while you're doing your biz - too funny!
I would agree with the "Maybe you are bored" theory. I was a teacher before having children and I know it was a HUGE adjustment for me. My suggestion is to find a mommy type group like The MOMS Club or MOPS. Try to attend a few times per week. Artem will get interaction with other children and you will get interaction with other adults!! So important for your sanity! But I also agree with the comment that "down time" is fine. He is most likely not bored and actually doing just fine discovering his toys and surroundings. He sounds like a perfectly normal little boy to me and you sound like a perfectly normal new mommy. Enjoy every moment.
I don't have a post institutionalized child, but I do have one very active 4 year old who exhibits the very same signs of boredom as Artem. I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's just a matter of teaching him to self entertain a bit more. AK is a VERY social child, so she constantly wants to interact with other people/children. So in our case, it's not just that AK wants/needs to play with other children, she just loves to be surrounded by a lot of people in general. It doesn't make me feel inadequate at entertaining my child - it just further proves she developed her daddy's 'life-of-the-party' personality.
Hey, did you get the announcements?
Learn to TANGO...I told you we did the TANGO and he loved it. It will tire your butt out too. :) Just Kidding. I use to think Ryne was bored being in the house but really I think they are greatful for downtime in their own enviroment. Mike leaves at end of the week. I will call and we will get together.
I would look into to a moms club or some other stay at home group. So you can take him to play with other kids without leaving him.
susan, so much too say on this topic! email me danaschuetter@hotmail.com
Cade's Momma!
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