Out of Office

We are almost finished packing for our upcoming Labor Day weekend camping trip. We are soooo excited to go camping especially now that we have Artem. This is what Randy and I live to do and we can't wait to share it with Artem. Last year we bought a new travel trailer and traded in our jet ski on a new super-fast jet ski (I call it Testosterone-On-Water) and then our area received record rain fall and our local lakes flooded, as in lake levels went 26 feet above normal, and it destroyed all the camp grounds in our area (scroll midway down to see flood damage pics for Belton and Stillhouse lakes). We put the travel trailer and jet ski in storage hoping to use it this summer but Randy got the job overseas, so we didn't get to camp. But alas, the unexpected business trip home provides us with a long weekend to go camping and play in the water.





We are going to Granger Lake and Randy's mom and dad will be joining us along with Randy's brother Bill, and wife Amy. Some friends of ours have the camp site next to us and will bring out their crew along with their boat and fishing gear. And we are super excited about Rob, Dede, and Liam coming out on Sunday to spend the day with us!! We haven't seen them since our first trip to Russia in February. It should be a fun weekend!





Melissa flew home yesterday after three photo sessions in two days for us and our friends. She did an incredible job chasing after the toddlers and getting some beautiful pictures of our families. She is busy editing the pictures and photoshopping all my crow's feet out of the pictures. She should have some sneak peak pics up on her photography site in a few days.





I won't be on the computer for the next few days, but I'll be sure to post about Artem's first camping trip when we return.



But for now the jet ski is waxed and ready:





Big Daddy's truck is loaded:





The trailer is stocked:





And Artem has his favorite hat packed (Go Sun Devils!):


Melissa, the pictures are for you...they are all shot on Manual, no more Auto for me!! (Melissa gave me a photography crash course when she was here and convinced me to get out of auto mode)


We are outta here! Have a great Labor Day weekend!

Tonight's Post Brought To You By The Letters "N" and "O"

How can such a small word drive me so crazy? Artem has mastered the word "no" and we hear it ALL.DAY.LONG! I guess now that Artem's been home for four months, he figures he's pretty well settled in and gets to really test us. I've tried to get him to say "no ma'am" or "no thank you" and occasionally he will say those but mostly it's just "no" along with a foot stomp and arms crossed over his chest. "Artem it's time to go inside...NO", "Artem it's time to clean up...NO", Artem please be gentle with the dog...NO". ARGHHH!! And just to really push me over the edge, he's learned to put his finger to his lips and say, "shhhh" and he did that to me the other day when I asked him to do something. The naughty spot has seen a lot of action this week and looks like it might be occupied for some time to come if that word doesn't let up.

On the flip side I got my first real hug this week. The tight squeeze, head on my shoulder, kind of hug and once they started, I've been getting them everyday since. Artem is also really into giving kisses to me and Randy and he's getting a lot better with closing his lips when he kisses, which is very appreciated by mommy and daddy. His affectionate side is really coming out now.

On the attachment front, Artem has not held his hands up to anyone in two weeks and several people have tried to pick him up and he has turned away from them and grabbed onto Randy's leg or to me. We met some friends for dinner this past week and Artem fell and started crying. Randy picked him up to console him and Artem turned towards me and held out his hands. I took him and Artem held onto me and put his head on my shoulder and cried. Up until this week Artem would not let me console him after he got hurt. I've always tried to console him and fuss over him when he gets hurt but he has always pushed me away and shook his head "no" and fought to get away from me. But now, when he's hurt, he's seeking me for comfort. Yes!! Another baby step.

We have a new nickname for Artem..."Pete and Repeat". We have learned the hard way this week that our little Myna bird is getting very good with his repeating skills. The three of us were outside and I had the lucky job of picking up the dog poo and Artem started saying his favorite word, "kaka". Randy said, "yep, mama is picking up Bella's turd" and wouldn't you know, clear as day, Artem says, "turd". Nice. He did redeem himself later on when he learned the word "ant" from reading his "I Spy" book with daddy. But I think his new favorite word this week is "naked". When he gets out of the tub he runs to Randy yelling, "ninny" (naked) and then takes off down the hall yelling "ninny" over and over again. I was shopping this week at the mall and we went into the Gap. They had all of their male mannequins stripped bare and lined up in a row and as soon as Artem saw them he yelled, "Ninny!!"

Artem said his name for the first time today. It's so cute and I want to get it on video. I point to myself and say, "what's my name?" and Artem will say, "mama". I point to Randy and say, "who is that?" and he'll say, "dada" and then I say, "what is your name?" and he says, "Ar-em" with a big smile. He almost has the "t" in the middle.

We have a special guest coming to our house for a visit on Monday. Melissa is coming to town and will be taking our family pictures while she is stayingn with us. We are so excited to have professional pictures done rather than my amateur pictures. Until we can post her pictures of us, you will have to settle for a few snap shots.

Kisses for daddy:


Dinner at the lake, watching the boats:


New water shoes for upcoming lake trip and an afternoon downpour equals fun splashing around with daddy:








Artem's favorite thing to do is read. He never brings us toys to play with, he brings books and loves to sit in our laps and be read to. I was reading in the front room and captured Artem and Randy reading "Goodnight Moon" together.

Double Blessing Day

Today was a doubly great day for our family...Randy's birthday and Artem's four months home anniversary. We did a low-key dinner at Boston's for Randy's birthday as I was given specific instructions that he didn't want anything fancy. Artem is still joined to Randy's hip and Randy continues to be amazed at how much energy Artem has and how he's always on the go. Randy has taken up cooking while overseas and he has been cooking the BEST dinners for us. He made lasagna from scratch the other day and it was so good that I got down on one knee during dinner and proposed to him.

Artem is cooking with Randy:

Here are some birthday kisses for daddy:

We bought Artem a new life vest for our Labor Day camping trip. The guy at Academy Sports said this one is "built for speed". Does he think a 21 month old needs a vest that is built for speed?? Here he is modeling his new vest:

I love before and after pictures. Artem would get violently car sick in Russia so we had to layer him with towels, barf tray, and plastic bags in order to survive the car rides. As you can see by his face, he wasn't a fan of the car.

But here he is now, no barf tray, and looking a lot less green when we travel. :-)

Mama Who??

Daddy's home!! Randy has been overseas for the past couple months while I played the role of "geographically single mother" and he finally got to come home yesterday for a well deserved break. While Randy was gone, Artem and I talked to Randy almost every day on the webcam, watched videos of Randy and looked at his pictures everyday. He knew who Randy was and was always excited to see him everyday on the webcam and talk to him on the phone. We wondered how Artem would do when he actually saw him in person and we knew he might be a little stand-offish at first but he totally proved us wrong. He has not left Randy's side since he got home, literally. He wants to be held by Randy all the time, he looks under the door for Randy while he's using the bathroom, he wants to hold Randy's hand when we go anywhere, he calls for Randy when he has to take a nap or go to bed. Suddenly mama is out and daddy is very much in. I'm not bitter; not like I was the one to change every single poopey diaper for the past few months, or take care of him after his surgery, or feed him every meal, kiss every boo-boo; none of that matters now that daddy is home. It is really sweet to watch them together again and Artem will hold Randy's hand and just beam and say, "Mama, dada" like he's trying to tell me, "Mama, look, it's daddy!"

Helping daddy with his luggage:

Randy will be home for a nice long visit and we've got lots planned during his stay here. Our first PPR (post placement report) is due in Sept (where has the time gone?) and we've got a big Labor Day weekend planned at the lake camping in the travel trailer and playing on the jet ski. I can't wait to do that with Artem and see how he does with nature and I especially can't wait for the night time when we can make smores!!

First thing Artem had to do with daddy home was ride his airplane. He can steer it all by himself.

Watching the plane go all by itself:

Taking a break with daddy:

Watching airplanes in the sky:

All of this leads me into my next little tidbit of news...we are moving overseas! We will be relocating to United Arab Emirates (UAE) and will be living in the city of Abu Dhabi. Randy was offered a job there and we have decided this is as good of time as any to move overseas. Artem and I will be traveling the end of September and meet Randy over there. Unfortunately I have to make the trip by myself with Artem. We will fly to Atlanta first, have a five hour layover, (heaven help me, five hours in the airport with a toddler) and then fly 14 hours to Dubai. Just me and Artem, 14 glorious hours, just the two of us. I should have my head examined. My only saving grace is that we are flying business class and Artem will have his own seat and will have plenty of room to spread out to play. We plan on keeping the house here at least for a few months and Randy's aunt is going to house sit for us and keep Bella here until the weather cools off and we can ship her over to UAE with us. I'm looking forward to becoming an "expat" (this is what they refer to people that leave their own country and live and work in another country) but I really hate leaving our friends and family behind. The good news is, Randy's company provides all of us with tickets to fly back and forth a few times each year so we'll be able to visit. We are not sure how long we are going to stay overseas; we are playing it by ear and see how it works for our family but we are blessed with the fact that I can continue to stay home with Artem for the next several years. I will definitely keep the blog going so everyone can see what life is like in Abu Dhabi and we are still trying to figure out a way for us to adopt a second child while living abroad, so our "Journey to Adopt" could possibly be "Our Journey To Adopt Part II".

I have had a few people ask me how to get on the database and look at the children. There is a link on the right hand side of the blog that says, "Russian Database". Start with that and in a few days when I get a chance, I'm going to do a seperate post explaining the database and how to search it.

Questions Answered

I've finally had a chance to answer the questions that were left in the comments section and sent to me via email.

1) I do have a question for you: I have done so much reading on IA and to be honest some of it is a little scary, I know the intent is to make us all aware of the possibilities and obviously that is good, but is there anything you wish you had known before hand, anything that just didn’t come up in books, or lectures that would have been helpful?

I felt REALLY prepared for our trip to meet Artem and both Randy and I knew right away that we would accept our referral pretty much from the moment they handed the referral paper to us. (I’ll discuss that later) What I didn’t expect and was NOT prepared for at all was seeing Artem’s room. On our last day with Artem the director allowed us to see Artem’s room including his bed and eating table. The room was absolutely spotless and had lots of colorful toys for the kids to play with. There were children playing on the floor, running around the room, and in their cribs. The caregivers were friendly and they were proud to show us where Artem lived. But no one warned me about what it would really be like. I guess I thought that all the children would be like Artem and I was not prepared to see children lying in their cribs banging their heads, or children that had such severe FAS facial features, children with Down’s syndrome, or children that just sat there with that total blank stare on their face and their mouth hanging open. I am ashamed to say that I wanted to turn and run. It was so upsetting seeing the children. I should have gone to those children, I should have gotten down on the floor and hugged them and loved them and if I could do anything over again, I would have tried to spend more time in his room that day with the children who were being left behind. I really wish someone had warned me about what we might see in Artem's groupa.


2)Here is my question: I remember reading how your first visit was difficult in that Artem cried and didn't want to go to your husband. Was it love at first sight for you or did it take some time for it all to sink in? How/When do you stop worrying about whether your baby's serious personality (while in-Country) is just normal under the circumstances vs being something wrong?

It’s hard for me to answer this question without answering another question at the same time. Another person asked me “what was your ‘red thread’, how did you know that your referral was ‘the one’ for you?”

It was love at first sight for me. I can’t speak for Randy (perhaps I need him to be a guest blogger one day) but I’m pretty sure it was love at first sight for him as well even though it wasn’t that way for Artem when he met us. Let me back up and answer the red thread question. I had heard talk of the “database” on FRUA for awhile but didn’t know what they were talking about or how they got on the database. One day I found it and figured out how to search for children in the regions that we could possibly travel to. Once we knew that we would be going to the Moscow region I looked through the pictures of the kids almost every night. I bookmarked three boys that I was drawn to and would look at their pictures nearly every night. At one point I asked Randy if we should call our agency and see if we could inquire about the boys and see if it would be possible for us to adopt one of them. Randy and I both agreed that we shouldn’t try to alter fate and decided to leave it in God’s hands and not manipulate it in any way. We travelled blind to Moscow, meaning we had no information about our referral prior to our Monday morning meeting with the MoE (Ministry of Education). The Sunday night before our meeting I had a dream that we met with the MoE rep and she gave us our information and as we were leaving she asked, “Don’t you even want to know what his name is?” I said I did and she said, “Artem” and showed me the name written on the piece of paper. I didn’t tell anyone about my dream. The next morning we met with the MoE rep and she handed us the piece of paper that was our referral and I saw the black and white picture of our referral on the paper. I immediately recognized the boy as one of them from the database that I had bookmarked and I kept hitting Randy under the table saying, “That’s the boy from the database, that’s the boy from the database.” He asked me if I was sure and I said I was positive and recognized him from the elephants on his outfit. (his database picture is posted to the right) I asked the MoE rep what our referral’s name was and she said, “Archum.” At that point I figured my dream of him being named “Artem” didn’t mean anything until I asked how you would say his name in English and they told us, “Artem”. I knew right then he was our son.

Once they brought Artem in to us at the baby home, I just started crying. He was more beautiful in person than in his referral picture. I couldn’t stop crying and thanking the baby home director and telling her how beautiful he was.

Back to the first question, after Artem started to calm down a bit after our initital meeting we could see him letting his guard down and he started to show us his personality and slowly each day we got to see more and more of his personality. He showed us his funny side and we both kept saying that we knew he was going to be a ham and the class clown and so far that initial prediction has been coming true. The biggest thing we noticed about Artem was how much he craved my affection and didn’t really care about us entertaining him or playing with the toys we brought, he wanted to be held by me. Developmentally he was right on track other than the fact that he wasn’t walking on his own yet and he was 14 months old at that point but we knew that would come as soon as we got him home and he wasn’t confined to a crib for so long. (By trip two he walked into the room on his own) At the end of trip one he was getting REALLY sick and I started to worry that maybe he was going to be a sickly child and worried a little that he might have some needs that we weren’t aware of before, but the baby home director told us the flu was going through the rooms and that Artem was probably getting sick from that. Turns out she was right because on our second trip Artem was back to his happy self and loved showing off for us and was soaking up our attention.

Personally I would think that if you never saw a child let their guard down, even if for a short time, and show you a smile or some interaction that there may be bigger issues than just the usual PI (post institutionalized) stuff. I also think it's important to bring in a western trained Russian doctor that can act as an independent "second opinion" to help evaluate the child if you are having any doubts at all about the referral you have been given. Randy and I kept saying that we couldn't wait to get Artem home to see his true personality come out because despite the serious, "stand-offish" side that we saw from time to time, we knew what we had been seeing so far was a funny little boy that was sure to charm everyone around him; he just needed to get into a loving family that would nurture him and help him flourish in his new environment.


3) Have you and Randy considered adopting again? If so, would you go back to Russia?
If you would have asked me this question two months ago I would have told you that one child was enough for me, thank you very much. The pain of the process (DHL losing our dossier, our battle for our 171H) was still too fresh, but I guess it's like child birth in the way that you forget about how bad the labor hurt and eventually go on to believe that you can do it again.

We have talked about adopting a second child, especially since Artem has been such a blessing and such an easy going child. We had a great experience in Russia and would definitely consider going back, (if only we didn't have to deal with immigration services again) and would 100% use CSS again for our adoption. We have discussed domestic adoption but are concerned with the birth mother or birth father changing their minds and having our hearts crushed. When we signed up with our local agency to do our home study we talked to our social worker about domestic adoption and she told us that in our area there are soooo many families waiting and not enough children for all the waiting families, so if we did decided to pursue a domestic adoption it would be a very lengthy wait. Short of someone ringing the doorbell tomorrow and handing us a darling little baby neatly tucked into a Moses basket, I don't think we are up for a multi-year wait to be selected by a birth mother. It's just one of those things that we will put in God's hands; He certainly didn't fail us with the first adoption.

I think that covers all the questions I received. Thanks for the questions and comments, and if you think of anymore, just ask. It was so awesome to see so many people say hello and humbling to know how many people followed our journey and prayed for us along the way. Thank you!

Thoughts on Attachment

Attachment is one of the biggest issues adoptive parents face when bringing a child into their lives. It's an ongoing issue that doesn't magically go away after the first PPR (post placement report) has been submitted. Sometimes there is a defining moment when an adoptive parent knows it has clicked with their child and the attachment process has really sunk in and in other cases, like our case, it seems to be a continual process that gets a little better as each week passes.

There is a big difference between a child that is happy to be in the arms of two loving people after a few weeks out of the orphanage and a child that knows when he or she goes to bed tonight, they will be in the same loving arms tomorrow and the next day and the next day and that their needs will be met. Good eye contact, distress when a parent leaves the room, offering their food to a parent are all positive signs ALONG the road to attachment, but they are not the final blocks to be checked off "proving" that attachment has occurred.

A lot of times friends and family members may think that adoptive parents use the "attachment excuse" to get all the time with their child, that they waited so long to have a child that they don't want to share their child's time and affection. I can say in our case, that is simply not true. Trust me when I say there are many times that I would love for someone else to play the "pick me up" game that Artem seems to be so fond of these days. From the first week that we have been home with Artem we have heard from people that "he has just slid right into our family like he's been here forever" or "he definitely knows who his mom and dad are." And while these sentiments are said with nothing but sincerity and happiness for us, Artem has not been with us forever and while he calls me "mama" and Randy "dada", I'm still not 100% certain that he understands that we as his mother and father, will provide for him day in and day out.

Artem has seen a lot of "mommies" during his time in the baby hospital and orphanage. Every time there was a shift change, it brought two new "mommies" into his day and this doesn't even account for any turnover in staff that may have been in the hospital and orphanage. In the past few weeks Artem has started to pat me on the chest and say, "mama" and while I am thrilled to no end that he is starting to recognize me as his mama, I'm given a huge reality check when I see him walk up to another person, be it a stranger or one of our friends, and put his arms up in the air to be picked up by them.

This weekend I had some girlfriends visit and I prepped them ahead of time that Artem has been holding his arms out for people to pick him up and I asked them to help us with this issue and redirect him to me if he should do that to them. It's not easy to ask friends not to hold your child. I felt bad because I know these ladies were looking forward to seeing Artem and getting some snuggle time in with him but fortunately they understand the attachment process we are working through and respected our wishes. Artem did try to extend his arms a few times but each time I went to him and picked him up and eventually he stopped doing it. I want our friends and family to love on Artem and be able to pick him up and play with him but right now it's just not possible. I wish I could give everyone a date, the official day they can pick Artem up when he throws his little pudgy hands into the air towards them, but I can't do that. Right now I can only ask our friends and family to continue to have patience and understanding as we continue to travel along the road of attachment and perhaps I can take pride in the fact that I just might have the best biceps on the block right now from all this heavy lifting.

Recognition of Foreign Adoption

I wanted to say thank you to everyone that stopped by and said "hey". I hope I got everyone's blogs listed that left a link. I will get to everyone's questions in the next few days along with some news of our own that I can finally share with everyone. If you didn't have a chance to post a hello, it's not to late and I don't bite. Well I don't bite anymore; after a well-deserved spanking and lengthy time-out when I was five years old for biting my friend Debbie's finger, I am proud to say I am now reformed and don't bite anymore. All though for the record, she did not believe me when I told her I had the "sharpest teeth in the whole wide world" and stuck her finger out for me to show her just how lethal they were.

I digress, I want to pass along some information for other adoptive families and PAP's out there. Dede found a lawyer that both of us are using to obtain Texas birth certificates for our sons. This is different than readopting a child once they are home, this is the state of Texas recognizing our foreign adoption, which allows us to get the birth certificate. The paperwork was very easy to fill out and the lawyer accepted photocopies of everything. We are required to take the originals to court with us. It is not necessary to go to court as the lawyer can go to court on our behalf if we need her to, but in our case we are going to go for the ceremony. We submitted our paperwork last week and our court date is Sept 2nd, so it goes quickly. We can get a copy of Artem's new Texas birth certificate that day if we choose to. The lawyer has a flat fee of $350 to process the paperwork and there is a court filing fee of $227. If you are interested in the lawyer's information please send me an email and I would be happy to pass along the information. And a big THANK YOU to Dede for finding the lawyer for us. It has made this part of the process so easy and heaven knows there's not a lot in IA that is easy.

Open Forum

It's been pretty slow around here lately when it comes to blog-worthy buzz. I think Artem is starting to cut his two year molars and has been a little on the cranky and needy side. Sometimes I feel as if nothing short of me juggling flaming knives while standing on my head will keep him happy. He was really putting me through the paces the other day and I had to get some errands run. It was one of those days when I was making deals with God, hoping and praying that I could get through the next few errands without Artem going into meltdown mode. You laugh, but I'm 99% sure many of you have copped that same plea deal with God on one or more occasions. Anyway, we made it through our errands, set a record for number of trips to the "naughty spot" in one afternoon, and after finally getting him to bed, I was able to use the little girl's room without someone running a fire truck up my leg while yelling, "woooo, wooo, woooo" and I looked down and noticed my shorts were on backwards. Worse yet, they had a logo on them which meant that I had run all my errands that day with my pants on backwards and the patch on my rear end. Ahhh, just another day in mommyhood.



I've got this nifty little site counter on the blog that tells me how many people have visited the blog and also tells me where they come from. Our blog averages 124 returning visitors a day and 222 new and returning visits a day. Tuesdays seem to be the biggest day, not sure why, but Tuesdays always have the most visits. Our blog has readers from all over the world; Canada, UK, Germany, Australia, New Zealand, Cyprus, Netherlands, France, Russia (or Chussia as Artem calls it), and 38 "unknown" countries as Stat Counter calls them. I'm telling you this because I want to know who you are. If you are one of the regular readers drop me a line in the comments section and say hello. I love following other people's blogs and cheering on adoptive families on their journey; leave your link if you want and I'll add you to the blogroll and check in on you every now and then. Even if you aren't an adoptive family, but you have a really great sense of humor and your blog will make me laugh and forget about the fact that I just spent the whole day with my shorts on backwards, leave me a comment and say "hey".



I do have a point to all this, I promise, and will eventually get to the title of this post, "Open Forum". When I started this blog I did it as a sort of journal for Randy and me to keep track of dates, milestones, and happenings on our journey to adopt. I also knew it would be easier to update our friends and families through the blog rather than individual emails and phone calls. What I didn't expect was after one year our blog would have almost 100,000 hits and have 124 returning visitors a day from all over the world. I frequently get emails from people that read the blog telling me that the blog inspires them to keep going through their adoption struggles or it gives them a chuckle in the morning to read about "Potty Training 101". While that was never my intent, I'm happy and humbled to know that it does that for people. I've considered many, many times ending the blog since our "journey" to adopt is over and now we are settling into our lives as a family. But I remember before we received our referral how I lived for updates from families that had come home with their children. I needed to see that once they were home they settled in and became a "normal" family, for lack of a better word, and that life after the crazy ride of international adoption was going to be okay. It was reassuring to see them going on with their daily lives and seeing how much joy their newly adopted children brought to their family. International adoption is a huge leap of faith into a very unknown world and following other people's stories carried me through some of the crazy times we faced during our adoption process. Remembering all of this, I decided not to stop blogging and continue to share our story of becoming one of those "normal" families I loved reading about.



So in the spirit of helping adoptive families through their journey, I'd love to open up the blog to questions from people that read on a regular basis or occasionally stop in. Is there something you've been wondering about? Something that you've wanted to ask but never were brave enough to hit the "comment" button? Why do I use quotation marks so much, why do I refer to myself in the third person, what does "digress" mean anyway? Ask it now in the "open forum" and I'll do my best to answer the questions in the days to come. If you still don't feel comfortable asking your question in the comments section, drop me an email, my address is in my profile.



And dog-gone-it, all you 124 returning visitors, leave me a comment and say "hi" so I can get to know you!



And because my sister told me tonight she needed her "Artem Fix", I leave you with one of those pictures that makes you say, "ahhhhh".

Don't Tell Randy...

...but I've hired some daytime help around the house. I've always wanted to have a good looking yard boy to keep the lawn up and I've finally found one. He's easy on the eyes, never leaves lines in the grass and always does a great job maintaining the lawn mower after he's finished.



Lately, I've been paying him extra to mow shirtless...heart be still!!

I've also got a new pool boy coming over once a week to keep the pool clean. He came highly recommended and has kept the pool sparkling clean, but I looked out the window the other day and knew I was going to have to let him go after I saw this: